Checklist: Living Separately Under the Same Roof

Have you and your spouse decided to get a divorce but are still living in the same house? There may be compelling reasons to do so — you can’t afford separate places, you want to maintain a stable family situation for your children, proximity to your place of employment, etc.

Your date of separation has legal implications in many states. It can be tricky proving that you are really separated if, for family or economic reasons, you are still living together in the same house.

Here is a checklist of what you should do if you and your spouse are still living together but are separated.

  • Establish and maintain the intent to separate permanently or indefinitely.
  • Use separate bedrooms.
  • Do not engage in romantic or sexual intimacy.
  • Stop wearing wedding rings.
  • Don’t shop for your spouse’s food, prepare his meals, or shop for his clothing and other necessities.
  • Don’t let your spouse shop for you, and don’t use his food or other purchases.
  • Do not eat meals together, except for special occasions such as holidays or children’s birthdays.
  • Make each spouse responsible for caring for their own space within the home, such as a bedroom.
  • Make each spouse responsible for doing their own laundry.
  • Use a separate and secure computer.
  • Use a separate and secure telephone/cell phone for personal and business calls.
  • Establish separate checking accounts.
  • Cease socializing together, e.g., do not attend parties, movies, theater, etc. together.
  • Do not attend church together.
  • Where there are minor children, interact as parents only where strictly necessary from the children’s perspective and their well-being, e.g., meeting with school officials. If you both attend your child’s game, don’t sit together.
  • Don’t give gifts to your spouse for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.
  • Let close associates and relatives know that you are not living as man and wife, but are separated within the residence.
  • Have a third party come to the home from time to time to personally observe the two spouses’ separate and distinct living quarters (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc.).
  • Utilize separate entrances to residence if feasible.
  • Be prepared to explain why you are living separately under the same roof, e.g., financial considerations; unavailability of separate residence; easing children’s transition to parental separation, etc.

infographic of information in blog

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273 Comments

  1. To the end of my rope.Been married for 4yrs know.He has a son 15 every dispectfull toward me his father don’t say nonething at all.Every day we are under each other hair then my mouth runs yes I have a bad potty mouth when I get upset.My son son 13 he is start to talk but at least I can take his phone away.My husband sleep different I stay on couch he is in bedroom.He don’t help with rules in house.His son don’t do anything wrong.Monkey see monkey do that is the father and son.The father yell at me so his does.I have no money to leave.He get Va cash for rent .I need help to get my own place.No vehicle. I live in Virginia Thank you

  2. You are exactly right !!!!!when I read that I thought. what !!what is this world coming to no it’s not the world it’s the people that’s in it and who in the world wrote this or come up with it

  3. My husband & I still love each other but we always end up fighting unless we don’t see each other or we pretend everything is fine. We’re both tired of the stress we put on each other & what it’s doing to our children who still live at home with us. Divorce isn’t an option & we can’t afford to live separately even if he would allow or agree to it as neither of us makes enough for that. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock & a hard place with water rushing in to drown me. I’ve tried to sleep separately from him but that only adds to the fighting. I don’t know what to do anymore

  4. I’m living with him only because he won’t leave. I’m the female paying the mortgage sleeping in the basement. Month 8 into divorce and all we have is a start of a parenting agreement. There is no talking, just mind games and inconsideratation on his part. He has taken over the bedroom. There is no way this Arrangement is healthy for the children.

  5. my wife and i have been living in separate rooms for 3 years and doing all that was required by law as it stands i never of divorcing her until she brought her friend home to her room and had sex with him thats when i new it was over we filed for a divorce and it was grated because we had been apart for 3 years
    i was divorced in 4 weeks with no court appearance

    1. hello to all and thx for the good advice …. my husband n i have gone thru so much financially n mentally there is a part of me that wants it to work … we moved to our beach house down sized considerably but nothing seems to work he expects me to wait around until he figures out what he wants …. he has told me on numerous occasions to find sum1 …. now he won’t leave bc he is paying the bills …. can we live separate … separate rooms etc like roommates … do i have rights to date without looking like i’m cheating … i think he’s doing this to set me up.

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