Checklist: Living Separately Under the Same Roof
Have you and your spouse decided to get a divorce but are still living in the same house? There may be compelling reasons to do so — you can’t afford separate places, you want to maintain a stable family situation for your children, proximity to your place of employment, etc.
Your date of separation has legal implications in many states. It can be tricky proving that you are really separated if, for family or economic reasons, you are still living together in the same house.
Here is a checklist of what you should do if you and your spouse are still living together but are separated.
- Establish and maintain the intent to separate permanently or indefinitely.
- Use separate bedrooms.
- Do not engage in romantic or sexual intimacy.
- Stop wearing wedding rings.
- Don’t shop for your spouse’s food, prepare his meals, or shop for his clothing and other necessities.
- Don’t let your spouse shop for you, and don’t use his food or other purchases.
- Do not eat meals together, except for special occasions such as holidays or children’s birthdays.
- Make each spouse responsible for caring for their own space within the home, such as a bedroom.
- Make each spouse responsible for doing their own laundry.
- Use a separate and secure computer.
- Use a separate and secure telephone/cell phone for personal and business calls.
- Establish separate checking accounts.
- Cease socializing together, e.g., do not attend parties, movies, theater, etc. together.
- Do not attend church together.
- Where there are minor children, interact as parents only where strictly necessary from the children’s perspective and their well-being, e.g., meeting with school officials. If you both attend your child’s game, don’t sit together.
- Don’t give gifts to your spouse for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.
- Let close associates and relatives know that you are not living as man and wife, but are separated within the residence.
- Have a third party come to the home from time to time to personally observe the two spouses’ separate and distinct living quarters (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc.).
- Utilize separate entrances to residence if feasible.
- Be prepared to explain why you are living separately under the same roof, e.g., financial considerations; unavailability of separate residence; easing children’s transition to parental separation, etc.
Is it legal to be married and then under the same roof and pay child support
Sure, as far as I know (I’m not an attorney and don’t know the laws of your state)
I have spent many years trying to make my wife happy and now I feel depressed. We have 3 adult kids and have been together for 29 years. We have good careers, generally 4-5 vacations / year, lived a really good life and have never stayed in a house longer than 5 years. In 2007 we lived in Canada, I was losing my job and in the same month she told me we may not be suited for the long run. I ended up with a job in Colorado and of course she came for the adventure. After 5 years in CO she asked if we could sleep in different bedrooms, lasted 6 months and we sold the home. I am a good looking guy but she told me even if you were Brad Pitt the romance is gone and she is no longer in love. After living in a condo we agreed to buy another house and live upstairs/downstairs for 3 years allowing us to help 2 of 3 kids finish college. In Jan 2016 we were separated and again I took a financial hit (one of many). In May I bought re-financed and gave her half the equity. In Dec 2016 I discovered she was in contact with old boyfriend who she has not seen for 10 years, later I discovered this has been going on for 2 months and asked her to move out. To my surprise my daughters have pretty much disowned me b/c they do not see any problem with what happened and fully support her. I do not know who this person is anymore and trying to repair damage with my kids. My ex hid it all and chose a long distance relationship with a scum in Canada while I work 80 hrs a week to fix her mistakes and have a better future. Now I need to decided if I stay separated or divorce.
I’m in the same situation somewhat ,my wife works and doesn’t help pay anything ,but benefits from what I pay and provide through my kids .she knows I cannot leave the home because of my daughters ,I don’t care what I have to pay to support my daughters ,I’m payng it all anyways ,I love my kids but I want to live again ,I don’t need to be with someone else ,I just need help paying bills ,she does as she please with no responsibility and leaves it all up to me .
There are father’s out there that are involved with thier kids ,emotionally and financially .to the women that stay home with thier kids and do not work it’s your decision to have another person care for you financially ,but the minute it’s no longer what you want it’s falls on the guy to pay for you ,no one owes anyone anything ,you you chose to stay home then it’s your decision ,why do men have to pay for everything ,
Divorce and move on.
Do y’all know if all states allow residing under the same roof during the separate period? Im in Louisiana
What if you both want a legal separation. We have a 20 year old son, who by all purposes could live with either of us. Who is responsible for paying child support if say I mive out first.
In many states, child support is not due for an able-bodied child over 18. If support in your state goes on until age 21, then support will be awarded according to how much income each of you receive and where the child resides.
This is my first day living separate with my wife while living together. It is really hard. Can someone tell me if it will get better? Also, she continues to call me throughout the day, is this healthy for or separation? I recently cheated on her, she found out through text messages and in the mist of all this, I found out she kept a secret that she cheated on me in 1997. We have been married for 20 years, will be 21 in February..
If you were cheating why are you upset? There was obviously some dissatisfaction with the marriage.