Checklist: Living Separately Under the Same Roof
Have you and your spouse decided to get a divorce but are still living in the same house? There may be compelling reasons to do so — you can’t afford separate places, you want to maintain a stable family situation for your children, proximity to your place of employment, etc.
Your date of separation has legal implications in many states. It can be tricky proving that you are really separated if, for family or economic reasons, you are still living together in the same house.
Here is a checklist of what you should do if you and your spouse are still living together but are separated.
- Establish and maintain the intent to separate permanently or indefinitely.
- Use separate bedrooms.
- Do not engage in romantic or sexual intimacy.
- Stop wearing wedding rings.
- Don’t shop for your spouse’s food, prepare his meals, or shop for his clothing and other necessities.
- Don’t let your spouse shop for you, and don’t use his food or other purchases.
- Do not eat meals together, except for special occasions such as holidays or children’s birthdays.
- Make each spouse responsible for caring for their own space within the home, such as a bedroom.
- Make each spouse responsible for doing their own laundry.
- Use a separate and secure computer.
- Use a separate and secure telephone/cell phone for personal and business calls.
- Establish separate checking accounts.
- Cease socializing together, e.g., do not attend parties, movies, theater, etc. together.
- Do not attend church together.
- Where there are minor children, interact as parents only where strictly necessary from the children’s perspective and their well-being, e.g., meeting with school officials. If you both attend your child’s game, don’t sit together.
- Don’t give gifts to your spouse for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.
- Let close associates and relatives know that you are not living as man and wife, but are separated within the residence.
- Have a third party come to the home from time to time to personally observe the two spouses’ separate and distinct living quarters (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc.).
- Utilize separate entrances to residence if feasible.
- Be prepared to explain why you are living separately under the same roof, e.g., financial considerations; unavailability of separate residence; easing children’s transition to parental separation, etc.
My husband and i dont live in the same house or sleep in the same bed but are separated. We’ve been separated once before and he got in another relationship and i did too. I was 6 months pregnant with my second child and he kicked me out. After mu son was born we got back together and are now separated again. I had sex with another guy i really like and am now pregnant with my 3rd baby. Is it cheating if you dont live together or sleep together but are still married but are seaprated? Answers please! Im in desperate need
i am my life are living alone in the same house. is it advisable to leave the house which belongs to me and is on my name. She contributed 20% for building the house. We have 2 daughters, she gets abusive when i tell him to break relations with family of her brother in law, as i am suspicious of bad relation between her and her brother in law. I have no proof. I look to love her much, but can not compromise that see continues the relationship with them.
Sometime i think i leave the house for ever and search for a job in different state. As of now I am quite successful at age of 40. I am not sure how long I can live separately in he same house with no talk to her. Is it better for me to leave the house to her and 2 daughters or just stay there seperately
You should talk to an attorney right away to find out what is advisable in your state.
I’m in this situation. Funny, it can also happened to unmarried couples. We’ve been together 4 years. I fell hard for him when I met him and we moved in quickly. After 6 months, he was fired for insubordination and lived off welfare, promising to get another job. 4 years later he’s still on welfare and we are primarily living off my disability pension. Every winter we live apart. He gets depressed and takes it out on me. I live a “normal”life, taking care of the house, the finances, the pets (3 dogs and 3 cats) and the kitchen/meals/shopping. He sits on his ass moping, watching movies or playing video games. I’m 20 years his senior and feel like his mom and maid. Every spring he comes back to life and things seem fine for a while, only to slowly yet gradually progress towards the unhappy separate lives winter. We are stuck financially. I can’t just kick him out, he doesn’t drive, so I’d have to drive him. He’s on welfare and can’t afford a rent on his own. I only stay with him because I do love him deep down and I was abandoned as a child and don’t want him to feel that. Pathetic. If I had a few thousand, I’d give it to him to get the eff out. I’ve asked him to leave before and he says “I’m not going anywhere”. My biggest mistake was signing a 2-year lease with him so he’s legally allowed to live here. I pay the rent anyway, he has a free ride. I’ll have to be the one to move out of my home if I want to move on and I just can’t afford it. Sick business started as love.
Hi my name is Princess my husband and I been married for 2 years. He is physically and emotionally abusive. I am currently running my own company and procure all the equipment with my pension fund and now. I don’t want to be with him anymore, however I don’t want to divorce him because I have more to lose than him.
My house, my cars and share of my business. I worked so hard to get where I am now. What can I do.
Talk to an attorney to see how things would work out in a divorce. It is probably not as bad as you think, and as time goes on it will only get worse.
Hi Just accepting my marriage is over after 27 years, He is leaving me someday for the college sweetheart he is sleeping with now. We have separate bedrooms and I am needing a stiff drink. Due to being disabled I have limited income and he makes about 60 thousand a year. I have paid off my car but no other assets. He works a job close to our home so he is still here. I am trying not to hate passing him in the hall. He loves her and I lost my husband and best friend. He is paying the monthly bills and morage. I am over the crying and feeling worthless, oh she is 40 he is 50 and I am 60. Our marriage was doomed.