Checklist: Living Separately Under the Same Roof
Have you and your spouse decided to get a divorce but are still living in the same house? There may be compelling reasons to do so — you can’t afford separate places, you want to maintain a stable family situation for your children, proximity to your place of employment, etc.
Your date of separation has legal implications in many states. It can be tricky proving that you are really separated if, for family or economic reasons, you are still living together in the same house.
Here is a checklist of what you should do if you and your spouse are still living together but are separated.
- Establish and maintain the intent to separate permanently or indefinitely.
- Use separate bedrooms.
- Do not engage in romantic or sexual intimacy.
- Stop wearing wedding rings.
- Don’t shop for your spouse’s food, prepare his meals, or shop for his clothing and other necessities.
- Don’t let your spouse shop for you, and don’t use his food or other purchases.
- Do not eat meals together, except for special occasions such as holidays or children’s birthdays.
- Make each spouse responsible for caring for their own space within the home, such as a bedroom.
- Make each spouse responsible for doing their own laundry.
- Use a separate and secure computer.
- Use a separate and secure telephone/cell phone for personal and business calls.
- Establish separate checking accounts.
- Cease socializing together, e.g., do not attend parties, movies, theater, etc. together.
- Do not attend church together.
- Where there are minor children, interact as parents only where strictly necessary from the children’s perspective and their well-being, e.g., meeting with school officials. If you both attend your child’s game, don’t sit together.
- Don’t give gifts to your spouse for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.
- Let close associates and relatives know that you are not living as man and wife, but are separated within the residence.
- Have a third party come to the home from time to time to personally observe the two spouses’ separate and distinct living quarters (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc.).
- Utilize separate entrances to residence if feasible.
- Be prepared to explain why you are living separately under the same roof, e.g., financial considerations; unavailability of separate residence; easing children’s transition to parental separation, etc.
I need 2papers to fill out for free sepration agreement still living under the same roof so we can fill them out I couldn’t find what I was looking for on the compture.i didn’t want to fill out wrong papers. could u send me what we need to fill out thank you jim webb
We can’t provide you legal forms since we are not attorneys and don’t know the law in your state. Ask an attorney or paralegal familiar with the legal requirements in your state.
It’s amazing how far apart we have been emotionally ,my wife and I live together but separate rooms and live socal lives separately .I want to move on but can’t make that decision because we have 3 daughters I absolutely love and they are real close to me ,I pay all the bills and I’m getting tired of the stress that comes with it when money is tight ,she works but doesn’t help pay anything and uses my daughters to benefit what I provide for them ,so I’m getting resentful and taken advantage of financially ,she is under the assumption that as the father I have to pay everything while she gets to do whatever she wants ,I’m in a bad situation here if I stay I’m unhappy if I leave I leave my daughters and have to put them through not having a father in the home .I love the memories we had but no longer love her as a wife cause I don’t know the person I married anymore ..anytime I do try to talk about bills it’s always ,I’m tired ,I have a headache ,I have to work ,so is the best way is to file for separation so she can also have the same responsibility that I have ,or is it always the man issue to provide when both are working but one is paying all bills for the family .
Talk to an attorney right away to see what your rights and obligations are under the laws of your state.
Have made the decision your space / my space. No one to look after this ill man – so as I have already sacrificed almost 2 decades to doing so – really nothing left of me to give if there was someone sincere to give to. We are financially joined at the hip unfortunately. Plus have too many animals who do not deserve to be separated or put up for adoption and again separated. They grew up together as a family. Unfortunately he could not keep his pants zipped before we married (found out after and I had nothing to get out with)…and recently found out after decades his heart belong to a different one all along. Call me used. Now to old, too tired, too worn down to start over. I put too much into my home and business – we share. If he goes, I lose everything. If I go, he loses everything plus he will end up who knows. I am stronger – he is not. So the rest of his life or mine – it will be like this. Marriage by deceit and for his convenience. I will survive. I have this far. But the sacrifice was great.
hi I am also in the same situation my marriage broke in 2009 ,she does not work ,we have 3 kids ,we live under same roof as I bought the house in 2000 ,the only thing I did I talked openly with my kids about it ,as I did not want them to be affected by the situation ,and they are coping ,we are living in separate rooms ,it has been like this for 8 years now and at least my house is peaceful since we don’t talk to each other ,if I need to go out for a week ,no question will I be asked and its the same for her in truth after our separation I was happy after having endured insults from her
I have only been married 2 years 9 months into our marriage I was rear ended by FedEx truck ended up going through a spinal surgery. Sever cord compression if I did not have the surgery I would be paralyzed. I spent 10 years as a single mom and worked once we had a child together prior to marriage I stayed home to care for our daughter when she turned 3 I had the accident. I have many limitations now postop I am in severe pain daily the Dr’s are recommending another surgery. Every day he verbally abuses me talks about how hard he works and he is in pain. He has no compassion or consideration and treats me terribly. I applied for disability and got denied basically if my accident was 6 days sooner I would have got disability but not working to care for my newborn my cut off time I paid into SSI was March 31 2016 accident was may 6th 2016. He controls the money. My mom just had a heart attack so I have no where to go with my children. My oldest tells me to divorce him every day. I can’t work my whole right side is shot there is no work I could do. I just signed a new lease with him a month ago and just feel so trapped and defeated I never thought my life would turn out like this. It’s toxic his actions are as if he is possessed. I know the only thing other then me kids keeping me going is my faith I pray every night for a way out. I am so glad I found this forum tonight. Godbless you all in your struggles and my hopes are that soon the way out will come.
See what you can do to find an attorney who can give you some advice about what your rights are under the laws of your state. That will let you know what you need to do to protect yourself and get out.