Checklist: Living Separately Under the Same Roof
Have you and your spouse decided to get a divorce but are still living in the same house? There may be compelling reasons to do so — you can’t afford separate places, you want to maintain a stable family situation for your children, proximity to your place of employment, etc.
Your date of separation has legal implications in many states. It can be tricky proving that you are really separated if, for family or economic reasons, you are still living together in the same house.
Here is a checklist of what you should do if you and your spouse are still living together but are separated.
- Establish and maintain the intent to separate permanently or indefinitely.
- Use separate bedrooms.
- Do not engage in romantic or sexual intimacy.
- Stop wearing wedding rings.
- Don’t shop for your spouse’s food, prepare his meals, or shop for his clothing and other necessities.
- Don’t let your spouse shop for you, and don’t use his food or other purchases.
- Do not eat meals together, except for special occasions such as holidays or children’s birthdays.
- Make each spouse responsible for caring for their own space within the home, such as a bedroom.
- Make each spouse responsible for doing their own laundry.
- Use a separate and secure computer.
- Use a separate and secure telephone/cell phone for personal and business calls.
- Establish separate checking accounts.
- Cease socializing together, e.g., do not attend parties, movies, theater, etc. together.
- Do not attend church together.
- Where there are minor children, interact as parents only where strictly necessary from the children’s perspective and their well-being, e.g., meeting with school officials. If you both attend your child’s game, don’t sit together.
- Don’t give gifts to your spouse for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.
- Let close associates and relatives know that you are not living as man and wife, but are separated within the residence.
- Have a third party come to the home from time to time to personally observe the two spouses’ separate and distinct living quarters (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc.).
- Utilize separate entrances to residence if feasible.
- Be prepared to explain why you are living separately under the same roof, e.g., financial considerations; unavailability of separate residence; easing children’s transition to parental separation, etc.
I would love with you guys that’s okay for you I’ll give you my coordinate name CMD Bailey I’m going to email her and ask her about it so if you have another room I’d be cool with it so okay then this is from from Lisa Williams
I’m trying to figure out what to do.
My wife is filing for a divorce.
She’s been seeing other people prior to that but in california that doesn’t matter.
She also just had a letter notarized stating she’s giving my physical custody of our 13 year old son with joint legal custody which means my son with live with me , his father and she will have right to help with important decisions and have visitation.
Right now we still live under same roof in a house we are about to be evicted from.
I worked and paid all the bills for the 14 years of marriage, she never worked. but everything including lease is in her name.
I’m wondering if while we are in same house do I still have to pay for her food?
She’s says she’s looking for a job but hasn’t been hired yet.
I’m trying to save to move out with my son now that I’m about to become a single father.
It would be nice if I didn’t have to buy her food and things from store so that money could be put toward moving out with my son.
We are in California.
Any advice ? thanks.
You and your spouse each have a duty to support each other in most states, so letting her go hungry is not an option under the law, I think. But I’m not an attorney, so it is best to seek legal advice from an attorney in your area who knows your local law.
I am sad but happy to see so many woman live in the same situation that I do. My husband makes double the amount of money that I do and I work twice as I have to save up to do anything. He always has money left over to go and buy what he wants and do what he wants too. I finally decided to make our vacations plans without him and any outing without his as well.
I still have to cook and clean and take my children to all of their functions. When it comes down to kids conferences I go as a single mother and any functions at my church I go with my children. He leaves every weekend to go with his buddies but in all honestly when he is going our house runs smoothly and we don’t have to see what’s on “his agenda” to get along with our day. We still sleep in the same room but I wait till he falls asleep and then I sleep in my bed.
I know it’s a sad situation but financially I can’t do it alone and to be honest, I don’t want too.
My wife decided to lease a new apartment behind my back and told me two weeks before leaving. She continues to blame me that our relationship is not good because we can’t communicate well. She is very controlling and always makes drastic decisions. So last year I lost my job and decided to open up my own business, which I never felt support from her because in Times she would ask me to get a 9 to 5 job. I take my three kids to school and from school, also doctors appointments etc. Now she’s got a new job and makes more than me and decided to leave and keep the car and I’m left without transportation and not knowing how to pay for all the bills and rent. The day she left she did not say where she was going and I didn’t here
From my kids for about 3 days. I have been staying with my kids for the past two days and noticed a lot of text messages on her phone as well as late calls. The other night she talked to the kids and then received and phone call from a number she has been texting and calling since July. After that I texted her didn’t get a response and she had the phone off until the next day. My youngest daughter tried to call her as well and no luck and she lies to my daughter and said she called an hour later and it was not true. I’m in the position now that I don’t know what to do. We will have the kids every other week but I have no transportation because she feels entitled to the car. And we are not financialy in a good position to continue to add more debt and in separate homes.
Sounds like it is time to talk to an attorney to see what you can do to get what you need to carry on with your daily life.
My husband and I are sleeping in separate rooms . All my clothes are still in the main bedroom. We used to fight everyday. He became verbally abusive and Stop paying the little bills that he paid. When we moved into this house. We decided that i would pay the rent and he would pay all the rest of the bills. Every month I had to beg for the utility bill money! For seven years this was the story. After retiring it got worse… he agreed that he would get extra work.. all the bills were due.. my personal bills were so behind it was ridiculous! He bails me out… then that’s when it really got bad.. he never lets me forget it. i decided to get out. I packed everything and put it in storage..He paniced he knew if I left he would have to leave.. i refused to pay one more dime! He decided to start paying the rent. Out of 7 years he has now paid the rent three times .. and telling me to get out! Asshole ! We stop being imitate because in one of his rage episodes he said he would never touch me again. I made that a reality I started sleeping in another room that very night he regrets those words.. But there is nothing like Peace of mind . I sleep on a sofa bed.. but it is worth it not to hear his mouth..the tables have turned.i pay the utility bills and my personal bills. I don’t buy food for him just for myself. I am planning to move as soon as I save up enough money. I do not like to said never again to any situation but ..At this point in my life I am 99.99% that I am done