Checklist: Living Separately Under the Same Roof

Have you and your spouse decided to get a divorce but are still living in the same house? There may be compelling reasons to do so — you can’t afford separate places, you want to maintain a stable family situation for your children, proximity to your place of employment, etc.

Your date of separation has legal implications in many states. It can be tricky proving that you are really separated if, for family or economic reasons, you are still living together in the same house.

Here is a checklist of what you should do if you and your spouse are still living together but are separated.

  • Establish and maintain the intent to separate permanently or indefinitely.
  • Use separate bedrooms.
  • Do not engage in romantic or sexual intimacy.
  • Stop wearing wedding rings.
  • Don’t shop for your spouse’s food, prepare his meals, or shop for his clothing and other necessities.
  • Don’t let your spouse shop for you, and don’t use his food or other purchases.
  • Do not eat meals together, except for special occasions such as holidays or children’s birthdays.
  • Make each spouse responsible for caring for their own space within the home, such as a bedroom.
  • Make each spouse responsible for doing their own laundry.
  • Use a separate and secure computer.
  • Use a separate and secure telephone/cell phone for personal and business calls.
  • Establish separate checking accounts.
  • Cease socializing together, e.g., do not attend parties, movies, theater, etc. together.
  • Do not attend church together.
  • Where there are minor children, interact as parents only where strictly necessary from the children’s perspective and their well-being, e.g., meeting with school officials. If you both attend your child’s game, don’t sit together.
  • Don’t give gifts to your spouse for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.
  • Let close associates and relatives know that you are not living as man and wife, but are separated within the residence.
  • Have a third party come to the home from time to time to personally observe the two spouses’ separate and distinct living quarters (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc.).
  • Utilize separate entrances to residence if feasible.
  • Be prepared to explain why you are living separately under the same roof, e.g., financial considerations; unavailability of separate residence; easing children’s transition to parental separation, etc.

infographic of information in blog

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273 Comments

  1. This is 2018 and I’ve had it. I have tried many years.Its not working. Yes, i want a divorce I think it would have been better being friends. Two beautiful boys involved, i dont wont to hurt them. Im being strong for them. I dont have to take this. He is unable to support himself.

    1. I have the same situation I’m the only one working and he just sits and drinks beer and snores on the couch. I’m just sick and tired too if it all it’s just me and my son that is 20 yrs old which has some devlopement issues, and my dogs I just want to leave!! But I can’t afford to leave!

  2. I live with a macho man who thinks he is always right. Super friendly to all, will take off his shirt for a friend. This is why I married him. Now I realize he is better friend thn he is a husband or father. 90% time I hate him, my daughter loves him. Its so hard, but i am much happier person and mother when he is not around. Divorse is not an option right now, I just wished it was easier. ?

  4. I’m 45 years old and this is the second marriage with an alcoholic husband this time. I am a well-educated woman. We decided to have children at a very late age. We have three toddlers. He got a DUI last Wednesday, and while financially burdened by his decisions and other factors, I am now searching for a job frantically and trying to make ends meet. I am a student with a master’s background in finance and have been a stay-at-home mom for 3 years. My career ended with the birth of our twins because of my Advanced age and inability to find daycare for 3 young children. Now I am finding that it is difficult to find a job. I am highly marketable and have potential for a great salary. However my husband his alcoholic issues, received a DUI and is now in jail. Since I am a stay-at-home mom due to the circumstance of having a difficulty in finding childcare for 3 children under the age of 4, I am desperate to find work and daycare. I am not quite sure I am willing to go through reconciliation and make this work. If anyone has experience in this area, please email me. Jenbrown 8214@ gmail.com

  5. I’ve been married for 9 years. 4.5 years ago I discovered my husband was cheating on me. I was devastated! He said he stopped but I caught him again and again and again and again and again and all of those he denied he lied and lied and lied and lied! We are both active in Church choir and praise team! how could he do such a thing? Three days ago I found out again that he’s been with this girl who is 30 years his junior!! since that day, he’s been sleeping in the guest room(I didn’t ask him to) We haven’t had sex for over a year now. I’ve been faithful to him since I said yes to him 10 years ago. I’m beyond devastated, I’ve been haunted with thoughts of him with her everyday! I try to love him back and he loves me back in return but it hurts so much! its just so painful and last night I screammmmmmmmmed so hard and loud I felt the evil one got control of me…………… I honestly can’t afford to live on my own..I used to live on my own but spent the last $7,000 of my savings on my marriage to him…I have no money on my own….I work at a homebased daycare with 10 kids with no assistant and everyday is a hard day although its such a rewarding job as kids are so innocent and they love you unconditionally. I love every kid like they’re my kids but cry at home because it’s impossible to give them the attention that they need..hopefully and prayerfully my boss will get an assistant teacher soon or she might just close the daycare down…sorry I side tracked …. I think looks like my hubby and l will take a day at a time…..please help me….why did I even marry this man why God why God? I prayed fervantly for this marriage for 8 years and this happens?

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