Divorced at Last: How To Quit Complaining and Get On With Your Life

“You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday’s junk.” — Louise Smith

Your divorce is final, and it’s time to let go and move on. Are you ready? What will it take for your life after divorce, to truly pick up the pieces and rebuild a new and happy life for yourself?

Some women sail smoothly through this transition, while others get stuck. Everything depends on your decision to resist fear, resentment, and negativity and, instead, embrace courage, hope, and love for yourself and your future.

You may not be able to start over on a desert island with no reminders of the past—you may still need financial and co-parenting support from your former spouse—but your decision to be healthy and happy is all yours and starts now.

Here are some steps you can take:

1. Decide to Stop Complaining – Is anyone still listening? Would you rather be around a friend who smiles and laughs and invites you to walk in the park or one who prefers to stay in bed and weep with the shades closed? You can be that uplifting friend to yourself. Decide that moving forward toward the light is the right direction. It has been said that the greatest gift you can give your kids (your friends, your family, your colleagues) is your own happiness.
2. Accept Where You Are Now – Yes, it would be swell if you had no financial worries and as many resources as you had pre-divorce, but now those resources are shared between two households. And you have something of great value—the opportunity and freedom to explore independence, self-reliance, and personal growth. Life is full of ups and downs. By accepting where you are today, you can learn (and teach your kids) faith and resilience. If this is the first time you’ve managed the family finances and planned for your economic future, you’ll find lots of help and lots of company out there.
3. Build a Relationship with Yourself – Ultimately, you are your greatest resource. Do you know what you’ve got? By committing to a deeper understanding of who you are, what and whom you love, and what you want, you can discover new directions, new goals, and new ways to enjoy and appreciate life. You may find yourself returning to a passionate interest or talent that fell by the wayside during your married life. When life takes a big turn, it’s natural to look closely at ourselves and ask the important questions, including how do I want to spend my precious time here?

Taking good care of yourself, mentally and physically, will make you an active participant in your own healing. Say yes to things that make you feel strong and confident and build your sense of self-worth. Say no to things that feel like doubt and fear. Focus on the future and look for chances to be with people who are good role models for the happiness you are seeking to build. When you talk to yourself, make sure you speak with kindness, gratitude, humor, and love. Life after divorce is exciting!

You are on the road to recovery, and although the process does take dedication and patience, the wisdom you gain will help you put divorce behind you.

“I proclaim that it is never too late to start over and redo, rewrite, or reclaim my life. I can call for Take 2 and be shamelessly committed to my own happiness.”  Leeza Gibbons