How to Get Alimony in a Divorce

When facing divorce, one of the most daunting challenges may be a sense of looming financial uncertainty. If you’ve been the lower-earning spouse or have been out of the workforce during your marriage, you might be wondering how you’ll make ends meet once you’re on your own. Will you be able to maintain your standard of living? How will you cover your expenses? This is where it pays to know how to get alimony in a divorce. 

For many, alimony represents a potential lifeline – a way to secure some financial stability in the wake of a marriage ending. On the flip side, if you’re the higher-earning spouse, you might be concerned about having to pay ongoing alimony after the divorce. Will alimony become a significant, long-term expense in your post-divorce life? Understanding the ins and outs of alimony can help both parties navigate these uncertain waters and help you set realistic expectations for the financial aftermath of your divorce.

What Is Alimony?

Alimony, also known as spousal support in some states, is a legal obligation for one spouse to provide financial support to the other after a divorce. It’s not a new concept – in fact, alimony has been part of divorce proceedings for centuries. The primary purpose of alimony is to limit any unfair economic impacts of a divorce on the lower-wage-earning or non-wage-earning spouse.

In essence, alimony recognizes that when two people build a life together, their contributions to the marriage may not always be equal in financial terms. One partner might have stepped back from their career to raise children, or supported the other through advanced education. Alimony aims to balance these contributions and ensure that both parties can maintain a standard of living similar to what they experienced during the marriage.

Understanding alimony is crucial if you’re going through a divorce. It can have a significant impact on your financial future, whether you’re the one potentially paying or receiving it. 

Types of Alimony

When it comes to alimony, one size doesn’t fit all. There are several types of alimony that courts may award, depending on the circumstances of your divorce. 

Temporary Alimony 

Temporary alimony, also known as pendente lite (Latin for “pending the litigation”), is support paid during the divorce process itself. This type of alimony recognizes that the divorce process can take time, and one spouse may need financial support until the final divorce decree is issued.

Key points:

• Begins when one spouse files for divorce
• Ends when the divorce is finalized
• Helps maintain financial stability during divorce proceedings
• May be adjusted or replaced by other forms of alimony in the final divorce agreement

Rehabilitative Alimony

Rehabilitative alimony is designed to help a spouse become self-supporting after the divorce. This type is often awarded when one spouse has been out of the workforce for a significant period and needs time to acquire education, training, or work experience to become financially independent.

Key points:

• Usually has a predetermined end date
• May be contingent on the recipient following a specific plan (like completing a degree)
• Can be modified if circumstances change
• Aims to help the recipient achieve financial independence

Permanent Alimony

Despite its name, permanent alimony isn’t always truly permanent. It’s typically awarded in long-term marriages where one spouse is unlikely to become self-supporting due to age, health issues, or other factors.

Key points:

• No predetermined end date, but can end with remarriage or significant life changes
• More common in marriages lasting 10 years or more
• May be awarded when there’s a significant disparity in earning capacity
• Can be modified if circumstances change substantially

Reimbursement Alimony

This type of alimony is meant to reimburse one spouse for expenses incurred during the marriage, often related to the other spouse’s education or career advancement.

Key points:

• Often awarded when one spouse supported the other through school or training
• Usually a set amount, not ongoing payments
• Typically can’t be modified once awarded
• Doesn’t end with remarriage

Lump-Sum Alimony

Instead of ongoing payments, lump-sum alimony is awarded as a one-time payment. This can be attractive for those who want a clean financial break and no ongoing ties to their ex-spouse.

Key points:

• Paid in one lump sum or in a fixed number of installments
• Can’t be modified once awarded
• Doesn’t end with remarriage
• May have tax implications different from other types of alimony

Understanding these different types of alimony can help you and your attorney determine what to pursue in your divorce proceedings. Remember, courts have flexibility in awarding alimony and may combine different types or create a custom arrangement that fits your specific situation.

Paths to Obtaining Alimony

For the majority of this article, we’ll look at how to obtain alimony through the courts, but it’s important to understand that litigation isn’t your only option. Generally, there are two main paths to obtaining alimony: through a court order or through mutual agreement. 

Court-Ordered Alimony

In many cases, alimony is awarded by a judge as part of the divorce proceedings. This process typically involves:

1. Filing for alimony: Either spouse can request alimony as part of their divorce petition.
2. Financial disclosure: Both parties provide detailed information about their income, expenses, assets, and debts.
3. Court evaluation: The judge considers various factors to determine if alimony is appropriate, and if so, how much and for how long.
4. Court decision: The judge issues an order specifying the alimony terms, which becomes part of the divorce decree.

We’ll take a look at each of these steps in more detail later in the article. For now, it’s crucial to remember that court-ordered alimony follows state laws, which can vary significantly from one state to another. Some states have specific formulas or guidelines for calculating alimony, while others leave it more to the judge’s discretion.

Mutually Agreed Alimony

Not all alimony arrangements go through contentious court battles. Many couples choose to negotiate alimony terms outside of court. This can happen through:

1. Direct negotiation: Spouses and their attorneys discuss and agree on alimony terms.
2. Divorce mediation: A neutral third party helps facilitate discussions and reach an agreement.
3. Collaborative divorce: Both parties and their attorneys commit to resolving all divorce issues, including alimony, without going to court.

These out-of-court agreements often offer more flexibility and can be tailored to the unique circumstances of the couple. For instance, you might agree on a lump-sum payment instead of monthly payments, or tie alimony to specific events (like the sale of a house) that wouldn’t typically be considered by a court.

Once an agreement is reached, it’s typically formalized in a written document called a separation agreement or marital settlement agreement. This agreement is then submitted to the court for approval and incorporation into the final divorce decree, making it legally binding.

The Hybrid Approach

Sometimes, couples may agree on some aspects of alimony but disagree on others. In these cases, they might present their partial agreement to the court and ask the judge to decide on the contested issues. This can be a way to maintain some control over the outcome while still relying on the court for final decisions.

The Factors a Judge Uses to Decide Alimony

When it comes to determining alimony, courts don’t just pull numbers out of thin air. They consider a variety of factors to ensure a fair arrangement. While the specific factors can vary by state, here are the most common elements that influence alimony decisions:

Length of Marriage

The duration of your marriage plays a significant role in alimony determinations. Generally, the longer the marriage, the more likely it is that alimony will be awarded, and potentially for a longer period.

• Short-term marriages (usually less than 5 years): Alimony is less common and, if awarded, is often for a brief period.
• Medium-term marriages (typically 5-20 years): Alimony is more likely, often for a set period to allow for adjustment.
• Long-term marriages (20+ years): There’s a higher likelihood of more substantial or even permanent alimony.

Age and Health of Both Spouses

The age and health of both parties can significantly impact their ability to earn income and their financial needs. Older spouses may have more difficulty re-entering the workforce or increasing their earning capacity. Chronic health issues or disabilities can also affect a person’s ability to work and their financial needs.

Income and Earning Capacity

This factor looks not just at current income but at each spouse’s potential to earn in the future. The court will examine:

• Each spouse’s current earnings
• Education level and marketable skills 
• Past employment and any gaps in employment 
• The availability of jobs in the spouse’s field is 

Standard of Living During the Marriage

Courts often aim to help both parties maintain a lifestyle reasonably comparable to what they had during the marriage. This doesn’t mean an exact replication of the marital lifestyle, but rather a fair balance given the new circumstances. A judge may consider luxuries enjoyed during the marriage but it isn’t guaranteed post-divorce.

Contributions to the Marriage

Courts take a holistic view of how each spouse contributed to the marriage. This goes beyond just looking at who earned the most money. Both financial and non-financial contributions are considered, recognizing that a successful marriage often requires different types of support.

For example, the value of managing the household, caring for children, providing emotional support, and helping to support a partner’s career are all recognized by the court as contributions to the marriage. 

Child Custody Arrangements and Support Obligations

While child support is separate from alimony, the overall financial picture is considered. The spouse with primary custody may have increased financial needs, while child support obligations may affect the paying spouse’s ability to also pay alimony.

Remember, courts don’t consider these factors in isolation, but rather as part of a comprehensive picture of the marriage and each spouse’s circumstances. Courts aim to create a fair arrangement that considers both parties’ needs and abilities.

The Steps to Getting Alimony

Seeking alimony can feel like navigating a complex maze, but breaking it down into steps can make the process more manageable. Whether you’re considering asking for alimony or you think your spouse might request it, understanding these steps will help you prepare for what’s ahead.

Consult with a Divorce Attorney

The first and perhaps most crucial step in pursuing alimony is to consult with an experienced divorce attorney. Your divorce lawyer will be your guide through the legal landscape of divorce and alimony in your state. During your initial consultation, be prepared to discuss your financial situation, the history of your marriage, and your goals for the future. A good attorney will help you understand whether you have a strong case for alimony, what type of alimony might be appropriate, and how much you might reasonably expect to receive or pay. They can also advise you on strategies for negotiation and, if necessary, how to present your case in court. Remember, even if you hope to reach an agreement outside of court, having a knowledgeable advocate in your corner can make a significant difference in the outcome.

Gather Financial Documentation

Once you’ve decided to pursue alimony, the next step is to gather comprehensive financial documentation. This step is crucial whether you’re negotiating directly with your spouse or preparing for court. You’ll need to provide a clear picture of both your financial need (if you’re seeking alimony) or your ability to pay (if you’re the potential payer). 

Collect documents such as:

• Tax returns for the past 3-5 years
• Pay stubs or proof of income
• Bank statements
• Credit card statements
• Mortgage documents or rent receipts
• Retirement account statements
• Investment account statements
• Lists of monthly expenses
• Documentation of any debts

Be thorough and organized in this process. The more complete your financial picture, the stronger your position will be in alimony discussions. If you’re having trouble accessing certain documents, inform your attorney, as they may be able to help you obtain them through the legal discovery process.

Determine Eligibility Based on State Laws

Alimony laws vary significantly from state to state, so it’s essential to understand the specific regulations in your jurisdiction. Some states have strict guidelines for alimony eligibility, while others give judges more discretion. Some states also consider marital fault in alimony decisions, while others are strictly no-fault when it comes to financial matters. 

Work with your attorney to review your state’s laws and determine how they apply to your situation. This step might involve researching recent court decisions in your state or consulting with your lawyer about how local judges typically handle cases similar to yours. Understanding your eligibility will help you set realistic expectations and develop an appropriate strategy for pursuing alimony.

Negotiate with Your Spouse (If Possible)

Before heading to court, consider attempting to negotiate an alimony agreement with your spouse. This can often lead to a faster, less expensive, and less stressful resolution. Negotiations can take place directly between you and your spouse, through your attorneys, or with the help of a divorce mediator. 

When negotiating, come prepared with a clear understanding of your financial needs or ability to pay. Be ready to discuss not just the amount of alimony but also the duration and any conditions (such as alimony ending upon remarriage). Try to approach negotiations with a spirit of compromise, understanding that the goal is to reach a fair agreement that works for both parties. Remember, any agreement you reach will likely need to be approved by a judge, so it should be reasonable and in line with state guidelines.

If negotiations are unsuccessful or not possible due to high conflict, your attorney can help you prepare for the next step: court proceedings.

Proving Your Case for Alimony

When it comes to alimony, the burden of proof typically falls on the spouse seeking support. Whether you’re negotiating with your spouse or presenting your case to a judge, you’ll need to make a compelling argument for why you need alimony. 

Demonstrate Financial Need

The cornerstone of any alimony case is demonstrating a genuine financial need. This involves more than simply stating that you want or could use extra money. You need to show that without alimony, you wouldn’t be able to maintain a reasonable standard of living comparable to what you enjoyed during the marriage.

Start by creating a detailed budget that outlines all your current and anticipated expenses. This should include everything from housing and utilities to food, transportation, healthcare, and any other regular costs. Compare this to your current income and any assets you’ll retain after the divorce. If there’s a significant shortfall, this helps illustrate your need for support. Be prepared to explain any unusual expenses and to justify why certain costs are necessary. Remember, the goal isn’t to show that you need alimony to live a luxurious lifestyle, but rather to maintain a reasonable standard of living considering your marital lifestyle and your ex-spouse’s ability to pay.

Show Your Contributions to the Marriage

Alimony isn’t just about need; it’s also about recognizing the contributions you made during the marriage. This is particularly important if you’re seeking alimony after being a stay-at-home parent or sacrificing your career for your family or spouse’s career.

Document all the ways you contributed to the marriage, both financially and non-financially. This might include:

• Direct financial contributions from any employment
• Managing household finances or investments
• Caring for children and managing their schedules and needs
• Maintaining the home
• Supporting your spouse’s career through networking, entertaining, or relocating
• Assisting with a family business, even if you weren’t formally employed there

Be specific about how your contributions enabled your spouse to advance their career or increase their earning potential. For example, if you moved multiple times for your spouse’s job, show how this impacted your own career prospects. If you worked to put your spouse through school, calculate the financial investment you made in their education. The more concrete examples you can provide, the stronger your case will be.

Present Evidence of Your Standard of Living

Courts often aim to help both parties maintain a lifestyle reasonably comparable to what they had during the marriage. Therefore, it’s crucial to present clear evidence of your marital standard of living.

Gather documentation that illustrates your lifestyle during the marriage. This might include:

• Records of vacations and travel
• Receipts for luxury items or services
• Country club or gym memberships
• Evidence of regular dining out or entertainment expenses
• Records of gifts exchanged
• Information about your home(s) and vehicles

Be prepared to explain why maintaining certain aspects of this lifestyle is important or necessary. For instance, if you’re seeking support to maintain a country club membership, you might explain how this is crucial for maintaining business relationships in your field. The goal is to paint a clear picture of the lifestyle you and your spouse built together and to demonstrate why it’s fair for you to continue enjoying some aspects of this lifestyle post-divorce.

Expert Testimony

In many cases, expert testimony can significantly strengthen your case for alimony. Consider enlisting the help of professionals who can provide objective analysis and authoritative opinions.

Financial analysts can help break down complex financial situations, especially if your spouse has a high income or complicated business interests. They can help uncover hidden assets or income and provide projections of future earning potential.

Vocational experts can assess your job prospects and earning potential based on your education, skills, and work history. This can be particularly helpful if you’ve been out of the workforce for a while or if you’re seeking rehabilitative alimony to gain new skills.

Mental health professionals might testify about the psychological impact of the divorce and your ability to re-enter the workforce, especially if you’re dealing with depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges as a result of the divorce.

Remember, while expert testimony can be powerful, it also comes at a cost. Discuss with your attorney whether the potential benefits outweigh the expenses in your specific case.

Tips for Negotiating Alimony

Negotiating alimony can be a delicate process, but with the right approach, you can work towards an agreement that’s fair for both parties. 

Set Realistic Expectations

Before you begin negotiations, it’s crucial to set realistic expectations. This starts with a thorough understanding of your financial situation and your state’s alimony laws. Research typical alimony arrangements for marriages similar to yours in length and financial circumstances. Consult with your attorney to get a clear picture of what you might reasonably expect if your case went to court.

Remember, the goal of alimony isn’t to punish your ex-spouse or to maintain an unsustainable lifestyle. Instead, it’s about finding a fair balance that allows both parties to move forward. Be prepared to adjust your expectations as you learn more about your financial reality post-divorce. If you’re the potential recipient, consider what you truly need to get back on your feet financially. If you’re the potential payer, think about what you can realistically afford while still meeting your own needs. Setting realistic expectations from the start can help prevent drawn-out negotiations and reduce conflict.

Consider Long-Term Financial Planning

When negotiating alimony, it’s essential to think beyond your immediate financial needs or obligations. Consider your long-term financial goals and how alimony fits into that picture. If you’re receiving alimony, think about how you’ll use this support to become financially independent. This might involve creating a plan for education or job training, or a strategy for building your career.

For those paying alimony, consider how these payments will impact your long-term financial plans, including saving for retirement or funding your children’s education. You might want to negotiate terms that allow for adjustments based on significant life changes, such as retirement or a major health issue.

It’s often helpful to work with a financial planner during this process. They can help you project different scenarios and understand the long-term implications of various alimony arrangements. This long-term perspective can help you negotiate an agreement that not only meets your current needs but also supports your future financial stability.

Being Prepared for Compromise

Successful negotiations often require compromise from both parties. Before you start negotiations, identify your priorities and where you might be willing to be flexible. Perhaps you’re willing to accept a lower monthly payment in exchange for a longer duration, or vice versa. Maybe you’re open to receiving assets in lieu of some alimony payments.

Remember that compromise doesn’t mean giving up everything. It’s about finding creative solutions that can work for both parties. Being open to compromise can lead to more productive negotiations and can help you avoid the cost and stress of a court battle. It also allows you to have more control over the outcome, rather than leaving the decision entirely in a judge’s hands.

Using Mediation Effectively

Mediation can be an excellent tool for negotiating alimony, especially if direct negotiations with your spouse have reached an impasse. A skilled mediator can help facilitate productive discussions, offer new perspectives, and guide you toward mutually acceptable solutions.

To use mediation effectively, come prepared with all your financial documentation and a clear understanding of your needs and goals. Be ready to articulate your position calmly and listen openly to your spouse’s perspective. Remember, the mediator is there to help you communicate and find common ground, not to make decisions for you.

During mediation, stay focused on the future rather than rehashing past grievances. Be willing to explore creative solutions that the mediator might suggest. Even if you don’t reach a full agreement through mediation, the process can help narrow down the issues and lay the groundwork for further negotiations or court proceedings.

Alternatives to Traditional Alimony

While monthly alimony payments are common, they’re not the only option. Depending on your situation, alternative arrangements might better suit both parties’ needs and circumstances. Here are some alternatives to consider:

Property Settlements in Lieu of Alimony

One alternative to traditional alimony is a property settlement that’s designed to balance out the financial disparity between spouses. This approach can be particularly useful when there are significant assets to divide.

In this arrangement, the spouse who would typically pay alimony instead gives up a larger share of marital assets. For example, the recipient spouse might receive the family home, a larger portion of retirement accounts, or more valuable investments. This can provide immediate financial security without the need for ongoing payments.

The advantage of this approach is that it allows for a clean break, with no continuing financial ties between ex-spouses. It can also offer tax benefits, as property transfers in a divorce are generally not taxable events. However, it’s crucial to carefully consider the long-term implications. Ensure that the assets you receive will provide sustainable financial support, keeping in mind factors like maintenance costs, taxes, and potential changes in asset value over time.

Structured Settlements

A structured settlement is an arrangement where the paying spouse agrees to a series of future payments, often in varying amounts, instead of ongoing monthly alimony. This can be tailored to meet specific needs or milestones.

For instance, you might agree to larger payments in the early years after divorce when financial need might be greatest, with payments decreasing over time as the recipient becomes more financially independent. Or, you could structure larger lump sum payments at specific intervals, perhaps to coincide with anticipated expenses like a child entering college or the recipient spouse completing a degree program.

Structured settlements offer flexibility and can be designed to address both current and future needs. They can also provide more certainty for both parties, as the payment schedule is predetermined. However, it’s important to consider potential changes in circumstances and perhaps include provisions for adjustments if significant life changes occur.

Trust Arrangements

Setting up a trust can be another alternative to traditional alimony, particularly in high-asset divorces. In this arrangement, assets are placed in a trust with specific instructions for disbursements to the recipient spouse.

There are various ways to structure such a trust. For example, you might set up a trust that provides regular income to the recipient spouse, similar to traditional alimony, but with the added security of assets backing the payments. Or, you could create a trust that allows for disbursements for specific purposes, such as education expenses or starting a business.

Trusts can offer several advantages. They can provide financial security for the recipient spouse while giving the paying spouse more control over how the money is used. Trusts can also offer tax benefits and can be structured to terminate under certain conditions, such as remarriage. However, setting up and managing a trust can be complex and potentially expensive, so it’s crucial to work with experienced financial and legal professionals if you’re considering this option.

Lump Sum Payments

Instead of ongoing payments, some couples opt for a one-time, lump sum alimony payment. This approach can be attractive for those who want a clean financial break and no ongoing ties to their ex-spouse.

A lump sum payment allows the recipient to have immediate access to funds, which can be particularly useful for major expenses like starting a business, buying a home, or funding education. For the paying spouse, it eliminates the uncertainty of ongoing payments and the risk of future modifications to the alimony order.

However, lump sum payments require careful consideration. The recipient needs to be prepared to manage a large sum of money and make it last, potentially for many years. It’s often advisable to work with a financial planner to ensure the funds are invested wisely. For the paying spouse, coming up with a large lump sum can be challenging and might require liquidating assets or taking on debt.

When considering these alternatives to traditional alimony, it’s crucial to think about your long-term financial security and goals. Each option has its pros and cons, and what works best will depend on your unique circumstances. Always consult with your attorney and a financial advisor to understand the full implications of any arrangement you’re considering.

Knowledge is Your Greatest Asset

Throughout this article, we’ve explored the complexities of alimony in divorce. Whether you’re potentially paying or receiving, understanding your rights and options is crucial. Remember, every divorce is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to alimony.

To get answers to your specific questions, consider attending a Second Saturday Workshop in your area. These workshops feature local divorce professionals, including attorneys and financial planners, who can provide invaluable insights into alimony and other financial aspects of divorce.

By educating yourself and seeking expert guidance, you’re taking important steps towards securing your financial future.

Find a Second Saturday Divorce Workshop near you.