Therapy and Divorce: The Role of Therapy in Healing and Moving Forward

Divorce is a life-changing event that can leave you feeling overwhelmed, lost, and emotionally drained. It’s a time when everything seems to be falling apart, and it’s easy to feel like you’re alone in your struggles. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to go through this tough time by yourself. Seeking support, especially through therapy, can make a world of difference in helping you heal and move forward.

Do you have questions about therapy and divorce? Here’s what you need to know.

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Types of Therapy for Individuals and Families During and After Divorce

So, what exactly is therapy, and how can it help during and after a divorce? Well, there are different types of therapy that can be beneficial.

Individual therapy

Individual therapy is a one-on-one approach where you work directly with a therapist to address the emotional and psychological challenges that come with divorce. Various types of individual therapy can be effective, depending on your specific needs and goals.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common approach that focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors that may be contributing to your distress. CBT can help you develop practical coping strategies, challenge unhelpful beliefs about yourself or your situation, and build resilience in the face of adversity.

Psychodynamic therapy takes a deeper look at your unconscious thoughts, emotions, and past experiences that may be influencing your current reactions to the divorce. This approach can help you gain insight into your patterns of behavior and relationships, allowing you to make meaningful changes.

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is another option that emphasizes the importance of emotions in the healing process. EFT can help you identify, express, and process the complex emotions that often accompany divorce, such as grief, anger, fear, and shame. By working through these emotions in a supportive therapeutic environment, you can begin to heal and develop a stronger sense of self. Regardless of the specific approach, individual therapy provides a safe, confidential space where you can openly discuss your experiences, challenges, and goals related to the divorce. Your therapist can offer personalized guidance, support, and tools to help you navigate this difficult time and emerge with greater self-awareness, emotional resilience, and hope for the future.

Couples therapy

Couples therapy is another option, especially if you’re still in the process of deciding whether to divorce or not. Discernment counseling can help you and your partner gain clarity on whether to stay together or separate. If you do decide to divorce, collaborative divorce therapy can help you navigate the legal and emotional aspects of the process in a more cooperative way. Mediation and co-parenting counseling can also be helpful in maintaining a healthy relationship with your ex-partner.

Family therapy

Family therapy is crucial, especially when children are involved in the divorce process. Divorce can have a profound impact on the entire family system, and family therapy can help address these challenges. In systemic family therapy, the therapist looks at the family as a whole, examining how each member’s actions and behaviors affect the others. This approach helps the family develop new patterns of interaction and communication that promote healing and growth.

Structural family therapy, on the other hand, focuses on the family’s hierarchy and the roles each member plays. The therapist works to create a healthier family structure that supports the well-being of all members. Family therapy can help children express their emotions, concerns, and fears in a safe environment while also teaching parents how to best support their children during this difficult time. It can also help the family establish new routines, boundaries, and coping mechanisms as they adjust to the changes brought about by the divorce. Ultimately, family therapy aims to strengthen the family bond, improve communication, and foster resilience in the face of adversity.

Group therapy and support groups

Group therapy and support groups can be incredibly valuable resources for individuals going through a divorce. These settings provide a sense of community and support from others who are navigating similar challenges. In group therapy, a trained therapist leads a small group of individuals who are all working through divorce-related issues. The therapist facilitates discussions and activities that promote healing, self-discovery, and the development of coping skills. Participants can share their experiences, learn from one another, and offer mutual support and encouragement.

Support groups, on the other hand, may be led by a therapist or a trained facilitator, but the focus is more on peer support and shared experiences. These groups often cater to specific demographics, such as women, men, or parents, and may be organized around a particular stage of the divorce process. Support groups can help individuals feel less alone in their struggles, provide a safe space to express emotions, and offer practical advice and resources.

Both group therapy and support groups can be powerful complements to individual therapy, as they provide a different type of support and can help individuals build a network of understanding peers. Participating in these groups can also be a more affordable option compared to individual therapy sessions, making support more accessible to a wider range of people.

Benefits of Therapy During and After Divorce

Therapy can provide numerous benefits to help you cope, heal, and move forward during or after your divorce. Seeking professional support during this time can help you navigate the complex emotions and challenges that often accompany the end of a marriage. Therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space to process your feelings, gain new perspectives, and develop effective strategies for managing stress and building resilience. Here are some of the primary benefits of therapy for anyone impacted by divorce.

Emotional support and validation: For starters, therapy provides emotional support and validation. It’s a safe space where you can express your feelings without judgment.
Developing coping strategies: Therapy can also help you develop coping strategies to deal with stress, anxiety, and other challenges that come with divorce.

Improving communication skills: If you have kids, therapy can be especially helpful in improving communication and reducing conflict with your ex-partner.

Facilitating co-parenting and reducing conflict: It can also help you navigate co-parenting and maintain a healthy relationship with your ex-partner for the sake of your children.

Addressing and healing from past traumas: Therapy can also help you address and heal from past traumas that may be affecting your current relationships.

Rebuilding self-esteem and identity: Divorce can take a toll on your self-esteem and sense of identity. Therapy can help you rebuild these important aspects of yourself.

Preventing long-term mental health issues: Seeking support through therapy can also prevent long-term mental health issues that may arise from the stress and trauma of divorce.

When to Consider Therapy in the Divorce Process

Therapy can be beneficial at various stages of the divorce journey, whether you’re still contemplating the decision to separate, actively going through the legal process, or adjusting to life after the divorce is finalized. It’s important to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness and that therapy can provide valuable tools and support to help you navigate this challenging time.

Therapy before deciding to divorce

If you’re considering divorce but feeling unsure or conflicted about the decision, therapy can be a valuable resource. A therapist can help you explore your feelings, assess the health of your relationship, and gain clarity on your own needs and goals. They can provide a safe space to discuss your concerns and help you weigh the potential consequences of staying in the marriage or separating.

If you and your partner are open to it, couples therapy can also be helpful at this stage to improve communication, address underlying issues, and determine whether the relationship can be repaired or if parting ways is the best choice for both of you. Seeking therapy before making a final decision can help you feel more confident and prepared for whatever path you choose.

Therapy during the divorce process

The divorce process itself can be emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. You may experience a rollercoaster of emotions, from anger and resentment to sadness and grief. Therapy can provide much-needed support during this time, helping you process your feelings, develop coping mechanisms, and maintain your mental health. A therapist can also help you navigate the practical challenges of divorce, such as co-parenting, communicating with your ex-partner, and adjusting to new living arrangements.

If you find yourself struggling to function in your daily life, feeling overwhelmed by the legal process, or engaging in unhealthy behaviors to cope with stress, seeking therapy can be especially important. Remember, taking care of your own well-being is crucial during this difficult time.

Therapy after the divorce is finalized

Even after the divorce is finalized, the healing process often continues. You may experience a sense of relief but also feelings of loss, loneliness, or uncertainty about the future. Therapy can be helpful in navigating this new chapter of your life as you work to redefine your identity, build new relationships, and create a fulfilling life on your own terms. A therapist can help you process any lingering emotions, such as guilt or regret, and develop strategies for maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship if you have children. They can also support you in setting new goals, building self-esteem, and finding joy and purpose in your post-divorce life. Whether you’re struggling to adjust or simply looking for guidance in this new phase, therapy can provide a valuable source of support and encouragement.

Signs that therapy may be necessary

While everyone copes with divorce differently, there are some common signs that may indicate a need for professional help. If you find yourself experiencing persistent feelings of anger, sadness, or anxiety that interfere with your daily functioning, therapy can be a valuable tool for processing these emotions in a healthy way. If you’re having difficulty sleeping, concentrating, or taking care of basic self-care tasks, a therapist can help you develop strategies for managing stress and prioritizing your well-being.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse or self-harm, are also strong indicators that therapy may be necessary. Finally, if you’re struggling to co-parent effectively, communicate with your ex-partner, or maintain positive relationships with your children, a therapist who specializes in family dynamics can provide guidance and support. Therapy can provide the tools and resources you need to heal and thrive during and after divorce.

Do Children Need Therapy During or After a Divorce?

Divorce can have a profound impact on children’s emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Children may experience a sense of loss, as they adjust to changes in their family structure and living arrangements. They may feel torn between their love and loyalty to both parents and may worry about the future of their relationships. Some children may blame themselves for the divorce, while others may experience anger or resentment towards one or both parents. These emotions can manifest in a variety of ways, from withdrawal and sadness to acting out and aggression. It’s important for parents to be patient, understanding, and supportive as their children navigate this challenging time.

Signs that a child may need therapy

While every child’s experience of divorce is unique, there are some common signs that may indicate a need for therapy. These include persistent feelings of sadness, anger, or anxiety; changes in behavior or academic performance; difficulty sleeping or eating; and social withdrawal or isolation. Children who are experiencing intense emotions or engaging in self-destructive behaviors may also benefit from professional support. As a parent, if you notice any of these signs or have concerns about your child’s well-being, seek help from a qualified therapist who specializes in working with children and families.

Types of therapy for children

There are several types of therapy that can be effective in helping children cope with divorce. Play therapy is a common approach for younger children, which uses play and creative activities to help children express their emotions and develop coping skills. Art therapy is another option, which allows children to explore their feelings through drawing, painting, and other artistic mediums.

For older children and adolescents, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be helpful in identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors related to the divorce. A skilled therapist will work with you and your child to determine the most appropriate approach based on your child’s age, needs, and preferences.

Benefits of therapy for children

Therapy can provide numerous benefits for children going through a divorce. It can help them process and make sense of their emotions, develop healthy coping strategies, and build resilience in the face of change. Therapy can also provide a safe and supportive space for children to express themselves and feel heard and validated.

Through therapy, children can learn important skills such as communication, problem-solving, and emotion regulation, which can serve them well throughout their lives. Ultimately, therapy can help children adjust to the changes in their family and emerge from the divorce process with a stronger sense of self and a more positive outlook on the future.

Involving children in family therapy

In addition to individual therapy, involving children in family therapy can also be beneficial during and after a divorce. Family therapy can provide a space for all family members to come together and work through the challenges of the divorce process. It can help improve communication, resolve conflicts, and promote understanding and empathy among family members. Family therapy can also help children feel more supported and connected to their parents, even as they navigate the changes in their family structure. By involving children in family therapy, parents can demonstrate their commitment to their children’s well-being and create a more positive and cohesive family dynamic moving forward.

The Cost of Therapy

One of the most common concerns individuals have when considering therapy is the cost of services. While therapy can be a valuable investment in your mental health and well-being, you may also worry about your budget as you pursue divorce or move on with your post-divorce life with only a single salary.

Typical costs for individual, couples, and family therapy

The cost of therapy can vary widely depending on factors such as the therapist’s qualifications, experience, and location. On average, individual therapy sessions can range from $100 to $200 per session, with some therapists charging even more.

Couples and family therapy sessions may be slightly more expensive, ranging from $150 to $250 or more per session. It’s important to discuss fees and payment options upfront with potential therapists to ensure that their services fit within your budget. S

Insurance coverage for therapy

Many health insurance plans offer coverage for mental health services, including therapy. However, the extent of coverage can vary widely depending on your specific plan and provider. Some plans may cover a certain number of therapy sessions per year, while others may require a co-pay or deductible. It’s important to review your insurance plan carefully and contact your provider to understand your specific benefits and limitations.

If you have insurance coverage, you may need to choose a therapist who is in-network with your provider to maximize your benefits and minimize out-of-pocket costs. Your insurance provider may also require a referral from your primary care physician or a pre-authorization for therapy services, so be sure to check these requirements as well.

Low-cost and sliding-scale therapy options

If you don’t have insurance coverage or your insurance doesn’t adequately cover the cost of therapy, there are still several options available to make therapy more affordable. Many community mental health centers, non-profit organizations, and training clinics offer low-cost or sliding-scale therapy services based on income and ability to pay. These services may be provided by licensed therapists or by graduate students under the supervision of licensed professionals.

While the waiting lists for these services may be longer, they can be an excellent option for individuals and families on a tight budget. Additionally, some therapists in private practice may offer a sliding scale or reduced fees for clients who are experiencing financial hardship. It’s always worth asking potential therapists about their fees and whether they offer any discounts or payment plans.

Online therapy and teletherapy

In recent years, online therapy and teletherapy have become increasingly popular options for individuals seeking mental health support. These services allow you to connect with a licensed therapist from the comfort of your own home, using a computer, tablet, or smartphone. Online therapy can be more affordable than traditional in-person therapy, with some platforms offering subscription-based services or pay-per-session options. It can also be more convenient and accessible, particularly for individuals who live in rural areas, have mobility issues, or have busy schedules that make it difficult to attend in-person sessions.

However, it’s important to note that online therapy may not be appropriate for everyone, particularly individuals with severe mental health concerns or those who require more intensive treatment. It’s also crucial to choose a reputable online therapy platform and to verify the credentials and experience of the therapist you’ll be working with. While online therapy can be a valuable resource, it’s not a substitute for emergency services or in-person treatment when needed.

How to Find the Right Therapist During or After Divorce

Choosing the right therapist is a crucial step in your journey toward healing and growth during and after divorce. A skilled and compassionate therapist can provide the support, guidance, and tools you need to navigate this challenging time and emerge with a stronger sense of self and purpose. However, with so many therapists to choose from, it can be overwhelming to know where to start.

Factors to consider when choosing a therapist

When choosing a therapist, there are several important factors to consider. First and foremost, you want to ensure that the therapist is licensed and qualified to provide the type of therapy you need. Look for therapists who have experience working with individuals or families going through divorce, as they will be better equipped to understand and address your specific concerns.

Consider the therapist’s theoretical orientation and approach to therapy, as well as their personality and communication style. It’s also important to consider practical factors such as location, availability, and cost. While it may take some time and effort to find the right therapist, it’s a worthwhile investment in your mental health and well-being.

Questions to ask potential therapists

Don’t feel like you have to stick with the first therapist who takes your insurance and has an opening in their schedule. To truly get the most out of therapy, you’ll need to work with someone you can relate to and feel comfortable with. Here are some key questions to ask your therapist to determine if they may be the right fit for you.

What is your experience working with individuals or families going through divorce?
What is your approach to therapy, and how do you typically work with clients?
What are your fees, and do you offer any sliding scale or reduced rates?
Are you in-network with my insurance provider, or do you offer any billing or payment options?
What are your policies regarding confidentiality, cancellations, and emergencies?
How frequently do you typically meet with clients, and what is the expected duration of treatment?
What is your availability, and do you offer evening or weekend appointments?
How do you measure progress in therapy, and what can I expect from the therapy process?

Asking these questions can help you get a better sense of the therapist’s experience, approach, and policies, and can help you make an informed decision about whether they are the right fit for you.

The importance of finding the right fit

Finding the right therapist is essential for the success of your therapy experience. The quality of the therapeutic relationship can be an important factor in determining therapy outcomes. In other words, feeling comfortable, understood, and supported by your therapist is crucial for making progress and achieving your goals. It’s important to trust your instincts and pay attention to how you feel when interacting with potential therapists.

Do you feel heard and respected? Do you feel like the therapist understands your unique situation and concerns? Do you feel like you can be honest and open with them? If the answer is no, it may be worth continuing your search until you find a therapist who feels like a good fit.

It may take some trial and error to find the right therapist. It’s okay to shop around and even “break up” with a therapist if you don’t feel like you’re making progress or connecting with them. Remember, this is your therapy experience, and you deserve to work with someone who makes you feel supported, empowered, and hopeful about the future. Don’t settle for a therapist who doesn’t feel like the right fit, and don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself and your needs. With patience, persistence, and self-compassion, you will find the right therapist to support you on your journey toward healing and growth.

Supplementing Therapy with Self-Care and Support

While therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth during and after divorce, it’s important to remember that it’s just one piece of the puzzle. To truly thrive and build resilience, supplement your therapy experience with self-care practices and a strong support system.

Self-care involves taking intentional steps to nurture your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Support from friends, family, and community can provide a sense of connection, validation, and encouragement. By prioritizing self-care and seeking out supportive relationships, you can enhance the benefits of therapy and create a foundation for long-term healing and growth. Let’s explore some specific strategies for supplementing therapy with self-care and support.

Maintain a healthy lifestyle: Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, including eating well, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep, can help you feel better both physically and emotionally.
Build a support network: Building a support network of friends and family who you can lean on during this time is also important.
Engage in hobbies and activities: Engaging in hobbies and activities you enjoy can provide a sense of joy and fulfillment, even during difficult times.
Perform mindfulness and stress-reduction techniques: Practicing mindfulness and stress-reduction techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga, can also be helpful in managing stress and promoting relaxation.

Therapy and Divorce: Helping You Move Forward

Remember, healing from divorce takes time and effort, but it is possible. Therapy can be part of that healing process. Therapy can provide emotional support, help you develop coping strategies, improve communication with your ex-partner, and promote overall healing and growth.

It’s important to seek support and prioritize your mental health during this challenging time. By taking care of yourself and seeking the help you need, you can navigate the challenges of divorce and emerge stronger and more resilient on the other side.

Looking for divorce support in your area? If you are considering divorce or have started the divorce process, sign up for a Second Saturday Divorce Workshop near you. Each workshop is designed to offer education, empowerment, and support. Meet others who are in your shoes, as well as local divorce experts. Some workshops include licensed therapists who can answer your specific questions about divorce and therapy.

Find your nearest Second Saturday Divorce Workshop.